Swan Dance to Open My Heart, All Ways

Two days after getting my new job, I attended an 8-hour retreat led by my new boss. It was research, after all! If I am to promote him I need to experience firsthand what he is all about. I was excited because I had seen advertisements for the retreat and had wanted to do it but it hadn't worked out for me, yet. I showed up bright and early that morning, with an open mind and an eager heart.

For 8 hours we mindfully sat, walked, ate, moved and wrote. None of these tasks were new to me, but it had been a very long time since I had spent that much solid time in meditation. For the first few hours I had "monkey brain" and my thoughts would flit and float here and there, but after awhile I really started reaching some deep states of altered consciousness.

My mantra for the day was:
Inhale: "Yes"
Exhale: "Thank You"

For me, it was based on the idea that when you plant seed of thought and intention into the Law, the Universe always says YES! And if you approach life with gratitude, it brings even more good things into your life. Throughout the day I would vacillate between rote recitation of the mantra, and really meaning it. When I was mindful, present in the here and now, and aware, I could feel the YES! and the Thank You! in my whole body.

After a mindfully-eaten lunch, in which I tasted tastes and felt textures like I had never truly tasted my food before...we mindfully took a walk. As we walked down to the creek and crossed the bridge, a pair of pure white swans came quickly swimming up to our group. One swan (the male?) was "pacing" back and forth in front of our group while the other (the female?) remained more aloof and towards the center of the creek. I was mesmerized, and in that moment, I felt at one with the male swan and his dance. It was as if I had never truly seen a swan in my life before that moment. I marveled at the size and power and of the bird as he paddled powerful legs under the water that propelled him forward in surges that indicated a strength I had never expected from such a graceful creature. His neck was strong and thick, and, as he came right in front of me, not 2 feet away, our eyes locked. I was surprised to see he had deep steely soulful blue eyes. I knew in that moment that he felt the connection as well. He lingered with my gaze for a few moments and then continued his dance. As our group moved across the bridge and along the shore on the other side, our swan friend followed. I split from the group at this point because I could not tear myself away from the majesty of these swans and their dance. As I walked up to the edge of the creek, my friend, my soul brother, came to me and once again danced back and forth in front of me with those soulful eyes. I was overcome with emotion and welled up with tears, our lives were so beautiful, so inextricably connected, in that moment. I could feel the swan and I know he could feel me as well. Some many long moments after, I made my way back across the bridge, my new friend following along, and took one last gaze into those eyes like deep watery pools before making my way back inside with the group.

In our next round of sitting meditation, I felt and sensed something happen in my heart Chakra that I had not felt in a long time. It was as if a million-petaled lotus flower was continually unfolding and blossoming out of my heart. It was made up of beautiful gentle pink energy and radiated out from my heart in an horizontal plane that surrounded the earth, linking up to all the open heart Chakras it intersected on its way. It was very beautiful and loving.

Soon it came time to try our hands at writing meditation. We had five minutes to write a letter to God/The Universe/Spirit, or whatever your idea of the divine is. And then we were to do some automatic writing for 5 minutes in response to our letter.

Here are my letters:

Oh Great Spirit, Mind of this Perfect Universe,

I come into awareness of The Presence in deep Joy, Peace, and Gratitude. Life, lately, has been a great challenge to my Spirit, Soul, Will, and ability to trust and have faith that this Abundant Universe is providing for me and my family in all ways and at all times. I feel as if I am silver being held to the flame for purification, and boy is the fire hot! I feel I have finally reached the point of surrendering to the flow of life rather that continuing to feebly and fiercely cling to the banks of what I know. I ask now for some form of elaboration or indication of the Universe's movements to align into the reality I have been faithfully holding in my mind these past months.

In Love and Peace,
Conscious Evolver

And here is what I got in response:

Dear Conscious Evolver,

What a Joy you are! You have finally stopped rehearsing for life and started actually living it! All of the things you desire and more are already yours, you have but to reach out with your heart and grasp them, claim them as your own. You are always, always ALWAYS cradled in Light, Love, Peace, and Abundance in ALL WAYS.

Always love in ALL WAYS
Always peace in ALL WAYS
Always light in ALL WAYS
Always abundance in ALL WAYS.

Love,
God

So out of this I have found myself a new mantra: "Always in All Ways"

"Namo Buddhaya
Namo Dharmaya
Namo Sanghaya
Namo Nama"

At the retreat, our facilitator told us his "formula" for maintaining and active and successful spiritual practice that will help us all to live more balanced, connected and fulfilling lives and to eventually all become Buddhas, or Awakened Ones:

1. Daily Meditation for 15-20 minutes
2. Weekly Sanghas (group meditation circles)
3. Yearly (or bi-annually, or even quarterly) Retreats, the longer the better.
   

Since that day, I feel as though I am different. Old ways of thinking and of being seem a dim and misty past that I to which I no longer relate. I feel more connected to my husband, my kids, and everyone I meet. I walk outside and feel the trees, listen to the wind, savor the air. I take off my shoes and walk on the Earth, giving and receiving love and energy with my mother. Where before I would feel judgment, I feel compassion, where before I might feel anger, I can smile and laugh it off.

I am not saying it is like this all the time, I am still integrating all of these experiences and sometimes the stresses of daily life pull me out of this mindset and I react rather than respond mindfully. But it seems to be easier to breathe, come back to center, and let things go. Every day, I am able to make little changes in the moment that make a big difference in my mindset and outlook. I always knew, intellectually, the importance of breath, but now I know it and am really starting to embody these principles that I have long thought were really nice ideas.

And I am filled with gratitude!

Living in Answered Prayer in a Limitless Universe

In December 2007, I moved my family, including 2 young children, 6 hours away from everything that was home to us.....for a job I no longer have.

And I couldn't be happier.

Sounds crazy, eh?

I have no desire to relive, or perpetuate by sharing, the drama that led me to be in the position of being without the job for which I moved my family halfway across this state. It really isn't important, other than for me to send gratitude to the person who convinced me to move here, even if the reasons were mostly smoke and mirrors. Or maybe, as more than one person has suggested, the Universe/Spirit conspired to get me where I am, and that person was simply the catalyst. The more events unfold, the more I believe the rapid changes in my life these past months have something to do with my EDINA initiation in the Fall of 2007 (but that is a topic for another post that will be coming in the future).

Hey, whatever it was, it got me here. Here, where I begin the rest of my life.

Here, where I have learned how to truly live.

And I am filled with gratitude.

So. I spent 5+ years on a Master's in Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine. I took my board exams, filled out the appropriate paperwork, and payed the required fees to the state to get a license to practice. Now what? I watched The Secret awhile back, and have been familiar with the concepts within for many years. Up until this point, they had all been "nice ideas" to intellectualize about. I decided NOW was as good a time as any to really commit myself to this stuff and start moving things forward in my life the way I want them. So now what do I do spiritually to move things along? At first it was all about visualizing myself in a fabulous office space (location, location, location), with a booming practice, many satisfied patients, and money to do all the things I wanted. I focused on this for a long time and opportunities came......and went, here and there.

Inside I was struggling.

Something about fitting into the mold of CAM (Complimentary and Alternative Medicine) was not working for me. My school was very interested in furthering the field of Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine and strongly urged us to seek to integrate ourselves in with Western Allopathic Doctors. Many of my classmates sought to prove themselves as Primary Caregivers in very westernized clinical settings. I was told, after attending a BodyTalk seminar (that I was very excited about), that I should be wary of "diluting" myself with too many "out there" modalities, that it lessened my credibility, and that of the field as a whole.

So I bought into it.

For years, I focused on my studies (and margaritas, lol) and pushed my interest in energetic healing methods to the back burner. There it simmered, waiting until it was cooked to perfection. I continued my spiritual practice of visualizing myself really enjoying being the head of a booming successful acupuncture practice.

But inside I still struggled.

Something about the vision wasn't working for me. Little tickles in the back of my mind kept leading me to read, seek, and learn. My spirit felt tugged in a different direction. But I wasn't willing to see the part of me that was there, all along, pulling the strings.

Meanwhile, I found a spiritual community of like-minded individuals and literally felt like I had found home. Myself and my family were welcomed with open arms and we began to get involved and connected with this amazing group of souls. I learned many tools that helped to tweak, fine-tune, and discipline my spiritual practice. It was Extreme Makeover: Spirit Edition, and I was ripe for it!

I learned a few very important things:

• That I am a "CO-creator." I'm not doing this alone. I do my part by planting seeds of intentional thought, and the Law/Universe does the work actually growing the plants. "I" am not manifesting anything alone.
• That I need to focus on the "What" not the "How." How could I, in my limited perceptions of the entirety of what there is to know in the universe, even begin to declare what is possible and what is not? It's my job to focus on what outcome I want, and how I want to feel. It's the Law's job to figure out how to rearrange the universe so it manifests to fit the vision I have faithfully held.
• Talk is cheap. The difference between discussion of a lot of nice Spiritual ideas and actual changes appearing in your life is directly mirrored by your level of commitment to, and depth of, your spiritual practice. By spiritual practice, I mean time spent every day in meditation, visualization, and affirmative prayer, and living from a point of gratitude in your life.
  

The more I began to become quiet, the more I started to really listen to that little voice inside my head that was pulling me towards a new path. I decided to "chunk up" a level (or three) with my visualization. Instead of getting so specific about how my space would look, how I'd be making money and being challenged, etc., etc., I simplified my visualization. I focused on being truly happy, challenged, and fulfilled doing something that I enjoyed and that provided for my family. I visualized it being something in the healing and/or spiritual realms that contributed towards raising the consciousness of the planet. That's it. And I focused on how that would feel.

“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” - Joseph Campbell

Once I stopped putting limits on how the universe delivered my happiness and abundance, doors began opening for me. The first was a part-time position through my New Thought Church (specifically Science of Mind) as a youth leader. I applied and didn't get the position, but the process helped me in several ways:

• It helped me to break out of my "box" of how it was possible for me to make my living.
  
• It helped me to realize I was feeling very drawn to taking my healing practice in a totally different direction.
  
• I realized I cannot feel peaceful inside without pursuing what, in my mind, are the highest possible avenues of healing and conscious personal spiritual growth and evolution.
  
• I put myself "out there" and it was a great networking move.
• I learned that I could keep positive in the face of a setback, and hold fast to my vision.
  

And my vision of what I wanted for myself down the line was becoming clearer and clearer all the time. I realized that I want to teach, educate, lead, discuss, enlighten, delve, grow, evolve....... and help others do the same. I want to combine my knowledge and talents in Chinese Medicine, Nutrition, Energy Work, BodyTalk, Yoga, Tai Chi Qi Gong, Meditation, etc. and use it to help raise the consciousness of the planet by helping people to learn to raise their own personal vibrations and anchor deeply in their own Light.

I continued my visualizations with new details coalescing around them as my vision became clearer and clearer for my direction. Something big was coming, I could feel it. The Universe was continually rearranging itself in alignment with the intention I was putting forth. I truly began to understand what it means to live in answered prayer. Regardless of what I was currently seeing out in the world with my eyes, I held to my vision, and the feelings it created for me.

When feelings of anxiety, depression, or worry arose, I would breathe them away.

In, and out.

In, and out.

One afternoon in late March 2008 I was doing some volunteer hours at my Church in the office and something miraculous happened. In walked an ordained disciple of the Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, a member of my church whom I had seen speak and perform before, and had always felt very drawn to. He happened by and stopped in to see if the Senior Minister was in and available for a Spiritual Mind Treatment (aka Affirmative Prayer). Unbeknownst to me, he and the Minister were in the other room praying for, and visualizing the perfect Ministry Assistant to come into his life to help take his ministry to the next level. A few minutes later, he walked back into the office where I was, and told the woman I was with to keep and eye out for anyone who might fit the bill for the position. As he spoke to her about it I listened and started feeling inexplicably drawn to the whole idea. After a bit, I spoke up and he and I started talking. Within 15 minutes he was hugging me and saying "My spiritual sister, I am so glad I have found you!" Not only did he want me for the position, but he saw me as someone to help facilitate portions of his retreats and workshops and work alongside him as well!

Not only was I everything he was looking for, he was so far beyond anything I could have imagined as far someone to help move my life to the next level. Not only had I found a boss, I had found a teacher, a partner, a brother, and a friend. I didn't limit the Universe, and I received a demonstration beyond what I ever could have conceived of myself.

And I am filled with gratitude!

My Top Five, er, SIX Passions!

On March 9th, 2008, I attended at workshop entitled Revealing Your Passion, during which myself and my classmates went through a series of exercises that culminated in us narrowing down, and priority-ranking, our top 5 passions in life. I narrowed mine down to six, and that's good enough for me. :)

Each of these should be preceded by:

"When my life is ideal, I am..."

1. Enjoying an extraordinarily fluid relationship with my husband and children in all aspects of our lives.
2. Joyously writing, singing, speaking, and embodying divinely guided words that inspire and uplift others, especially children, into a greater sense of spiritual awareness and connection.
3. Attracting to myself a close-knit, spiritual community of like-minded, heart-centered kindred spirits for dialogue, conscious evolution & playful celebration.
4. Living, working and playing in luxury with the knowledge that all resources are abundantly provided.
5. Celebrating Perfect Health in a Vital, Energetic and Fit body that is continuously self-Healing in every moment.
6. Expressing my divinity through the creation, performance and enjoyment of celebrated spiritual music, dancing and art.

This or Something Better.

The last part was on the worksheet we were given, and I like it. Why limit yourself to only what you can imagine? The whole of the universe stands before us, waiting for us to reach out and make a choice.

“Take the first step in faith you don’t have to see the whole staircase just take the first step” - Martin Luther King Jr.

The idea is to print these out and have them everywhere....in your wallet, your planner, as bookmarks, on the bathroom mirror, by the computer monitor, in the car (though I do not recommend reading them while driving), etc., etc., etc. This way you can read them over and over and internalize them. With them on the forefront of your mind, you are more likely to make choices and act in alignment with these passions that will move you towards manifesting your dreams.

I can tell you that I have seen amazing differences in each of the areas that my top 6 passions cover. I am looking forward to seeing what comes next!