Swan Dance to Open My Heart, All Ways

Two days after getting my new job, I attended an 8-hour retreat led by my new boss. It was research, after all! If I am to promote him I need to experience firsthand what he is all about. I was excited because I had seen advertisements for the retreat and had wanted to do it but it hadn't worked out for me, yet. I showed up bright and early that morning, with an open mind and an eager heart.

For 8 hours we mindfully sat, walked, ate, moved and wrote. None of these tasks were new to me, but it had been a very long time since I had spent that much solid time in meditation. For the first few hours I had "monkey brain" and my thoughts would flit and float here and there, but after awhile I really started reaching some deep states of altered consciousness.

My mantra for the day was:
Inhale: "Yes"
Exhale: "Thank You"

For me, it was based on the idea that when you plant seed of thought and intention into the Law, the Universe always says YES! And if you approach life with gratitude, it brings even more good things into your life. Throughout the day I would vacillate between rote recitation of the mantra, and really meaning it. When I was mindful, present in the here and now, and aware, I could feel the YES! and the Thank You! in my whole body.

After a mindfully-eaten lunch, in which I tasted tastes and felt textures like I had never truly tasted my food before...we mindfully took a walk. As we walked down to the creek and crossed the bridge, a pair of pure white swans came quickly swimming up to our group. One swan (the male?) was "pacing" back and forth in front of our group while the other (the female?) remained more aloof and towards the center of the creek. I was mesmerized, and in that moment, I felt at one with the male swan and his dance. It was as if I had never truly seen a swan in my life before that moment. I marveled at the size and power and of the bird as he paddled powerful legs under the water that propelled him forward in surges that indicated a strength I had never expected from such a graceful creature. His neck was strong and thick, and, as he came right in front of me, not 2 feet away, our eyes locked. I was surprised to see he had deep steely soulful blue eyes. I knew in that moment that he felt the connection as well. He lingered with my gaze for a few moments and then continued his dance. As our group moved across the bridge and along the shore on the other side, our swan friend followed. I split from the group at this point because I could not tear myself away from the majesty of these swans and their dance. As I walked up to the edge of the creek, my friend, my soul brother, came to me and once again danced back and forth in front of me with those soulful eyes. I was overcome with emotion and welled up with tears, our lives were so beautiful, so inextricably connected, in that moment. I could feel the swan and I know he could feel me as well. Some many long moments after, I made my way back across the bridge, my new friend following along, and took one last gaze into those eyes like deep watery pools before making my way back inside with the group.

In our next round of sitting meditation, I felt and sensed something happen in my heart Chakra that I had not felt in a long time. It was as if a million-petaled lotus flower was continually unfolding and blossoming out of my heart. It was made up of beautiful gentle pink energy and radiated out from my heart in an horizontal plane that surrounded the earth, linking up to all the open heart Chakras it intersected on its way. It was very beautiful and loving.

Soon it came time to try our hands at writing meditation. We had five minutes to write a letter to God/The Universe/Spirit, or whatever your idea of the divine is. And then we were to do some automatic writing for 5 minutes in response to our letter.

Here are my letters:

Oh Great Spirit, Mind of this Perfect Universe,

I come into awareness of The Presence in deep Joy, Peace, and Gratitude. Life, lately, has been a great challenge to my Spirit, Soul, Will, and ability to trust and have faith that this Abundant Universe is providing for me and my family in all ways and at all times. I feel as if I am silver being held to the flame for purification, and boy is the fire hot! I feel I have finally reached the point of surrendering to the flow of life rather that continuing to feebly and fiercely cling to the banks of what I know. I ask now for some form of elaboration or indication of the Universe's movements to align into the reality I have been faithfully holding in my mind these past months.

In Love and Peace,
Conscious Evolver

And here is what I got in response:

Dear Conscious Evolver,

What a Joy you are! You have finally stopped rehearsing for life and started actually living it! All of the things you desire and more are already yours, you have but to reach out with your heart and grasp them, claim them as your own. You are always, always ALWAYS cradled in Light, Love, Peace, and Abundance in ALL WAYS.

Always love in ALL WAYS
Always peace in ALL WAYS
Always light in ALL WAYS
Always abundance in ALL WAYS.

Love,
God

So out of this I have found myself a new mantra: "Always in All Ways"

"Namo Buddhaya
Namo Dharmaya
Namo Sanghaya
Namo Nama"

At the retreat, our facilitator told us his "formula" for maintaining and active and successful spiritual practice that will help us all to live more balanced, connected and fulfilling lives and to eventually all become Buddhas, or Awakened Ones:

1. Daily Meditation for 15-20 minutes
2. Weekly Sanghas (group meditation circles)
3. Yearly (or bi-annually, or even quarterly) Retreats, the longer the better.
   

Since that day, I feel as though I am different. Old ways of thinking and of being seem a dim and misty past that I to which I no longer relate. I feel more connected to my husband, my kids, and everyone I meet. I walk outside and feel the trees, listen to the wind, savor the air. I take off my shoes and walk on the Earth, giving and receiving love and energy with my mother. Where before I would feel judgment, I feel compassion, where before I might feel anger, I can smile and laugh it off.

I am not saying it is like this all the time, I am still integrating all of these experiences and sometimes the stresses of daily life pull me out of this mindset and I react rather than respond mindfully. But it seems to be easier to breathe, come back to center, and let things go. Every day, I am able to make little changes in the moment that make a big difference in my mindset and outlook. I always knew, intellectually, the importance of breath, but now I know it and am really starting to embody these principles that I have long thought were really nice ideas.

And I am filled with gratitude!